Its been a very interesting semester, to say the least. I felt like I was on top of the world when I left undergrad. I felt like my work was at a great peak and I was ready to continue to move forward. I had so many great projects and ideas going through my head. I was highly motivated and ready to move forward.
When I started at San Diego State in the Fall of 2011, mostly lost. haha. The campus is huge and I felt like a freshmen. After much-needed help, I discovered where I needed to be. Amongst the art students and more importantly… the Color printing lab!! I struggled most of the semester because I felt so lost in so many ways. But once I transferred into the Advance Undergrad Color Printing class, I felt more at home. I hadn’t been in a lab in over 7 years, so to be back into a dark room, was a shock to the system. But in such a good way! Especially because I had never learned how to color print. It was amazing and a great learning experience.
Not only did I find my way into the dark room again, but I found myself working with one of the greatest people in the photography community. Arthur Olloman, the past curator for MOPA for over 20 years, was now my professor. I have been working closely with Arthur and find him as one of the most informative photography curator I know. He is like a walking encyclopedia of every photographer there ever was. I enjoy working with him and plan to continue too.
Because of Arthur and the other undergrad students, I was forced to really push myself. I felt stuck in hole ever since I applied to a graduate program. It was nice to have people push me into what I wanted my work to be.
However, I couldn’t help that I was mainly struggling with my personal life. Being away from my daughter has been the hardest thing thus far in my life. I struggle to try to balance my grad school, work and visiting every month. Every time I went to New Orleans, I felt as though I didn’t know her at all. She kept changing and I hated that I felt I was losing her. I still feel that way. I feel as though sometimes I just don’t know her. Now six, she definitely has a mind of her own and such a personality. She will always be the best thing that happened to me.
Because I struggled with being apart, I think that was the main reason my work suffered so much too. But then it lead me into a different direction that I hadn’t really explored yet. I always enjoy the nude. But as my daughter gets older, I a wonder when I have to stop photographing her…. I guess until she tells me she doesn’t like it anymore. The new images I recently took of her, show a different intimacy that we have together and apart. I watch her grow every month, and explore the map of her body up close and afar. Her skin is so pure and young, and she has already accumulated scars of her own, even though she is only six.
I plan to continue exploring the body on a more up close and personal level. I like where my work is going right now. But I know it took me a while to get there. I honestly think my work has suffered because my daughter isn’t around. Funny how that works. I guess I need that love. That comfort from her. I miss her. I always do.