Aftermath of the MFA

 

Not to sure how or where to start…. I finished my MFA in August and a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Literally and figuratively. All I wanted was a break from school and I felt the day would never come. But now it has… and now I am like “well what do I do now.” I think the hardest part of graduating with a terminal degree is that school is officially over. Done. Fin!…..Right… I could start my PhD in Visual Art, but is that what I really want right now. Not a 100% sure. The thought has crossed my mind over and over again, but for now, I think it’s best to just continue to the practice. Which right now, for me is the hardest part… finding the time to create again. At least when I was in graduate school, I was pushed to make art all the time, be in the studio all the time and create create create.

Now that I have completed my program, I find it more difficult to make time… mainly because there simply are not enough hours in the day. Now with new job opportunities flourishing and doors are opening, (WHICH IS GREAT!!!!- WHO WOULD HAVE KNOWN THEIR WOULD BE 4 JOBS OPEN IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA!!)

BUT applying to exhibitions and applying for grants…. is like…. applying grad school every week… like every week… LITERALLY! I FEEL LIKE I AM APPLYING TO SCHOOL AGAIN ALL THE TIME. But just like one of my favorite art videos on Ted talk… Just do it. So how does one find time to create, research and write and then create more. Well here goes…..

I am learning that the push comes from within. It is now more than ever, more important to push myself. Nobody is here to check in on me. I am also learning maintaining the relationships I made in school are more important, more than ever right now at this moment. I valued my cohorts voices and opinions when it came to my work. So keeping that connection is very important right now. I also find it’s important to continuing reading and keeping up to date with whats going on in the contemporary art world. Joining mail list, artist talks, and even seeing more and more exhibitions has become so much more important than when I was in graduate school. More important… taking the time to rest. There is no need for those sleepless nights and endless writing and reading sessions. Of course I try not to procrastinate, but I work two adjunct positions full time and have my daughter, I can’t help but wait to the last minute at times. I have realized that I just need to be okay with that. And I am okay. I also realize, that it’s not worth the last minute push if I can’t sleep and get my mind right. I also find it very important to keep believing that my work is amazing because I am amazing. Confidence. That confidence I built in critiques and during my thesis…. that confidence that my daughter looks up too. Confidence. I didn’t just get a degree, I got a terminal degree. So I am going to keep moving forward… like always.

 

Finding the Creativity

“I am not afraid…I was born to do this.” – Joan of Arc

We all have a point in our lives, where we decide to stop facing our fears and realize what we are truly born to do. No matter how much I try to turn away, something always draws me back to my camera. It awakens me. It helps me to see who I am. No matter how long I have been away from it, some how it always helps me to keep moving forward. Maybe because it mainly helps for me to really take a look at myself and start to overcome my struggles. Mainly because it forces me to deal with the things I don’t want to or maybe the things I don’t want to see.

There is something about letting the creativity take over and helps me to keep moving forward. I am truly fascinated with the body and its transformation that it can take. Right now, I don’t think I seek the fascination with my own body, but my mind emotionally. Trying to learn more about myself. But I figured it was time to pick up the camera and really begin to look at myself again. Here goes.

I may be taking a break from Grad school because I was truly stuck. But my creativity has not left me just yet. I was scared for the year I was in Grad school because I didn’t feel like I was truly born to be an artist. But like Joan of Arc…. I was born to do this…